Ethanol in fuel to go from 10% to 15%

Go read this article.

Now that you've done that, you know that this is ridiculous. Here’s an idea: let’s give everyone in America a pay cut at a time when people need money by driving prices up on everything. This is retarded. Unemployment is pushing 10% but those people can handle a box of Cheerios going above $6, right? WRONG.

This aggravates the hell out of me. I don’t get it. The administration may want to push its agenda, but your darn agenda is not what we need right now. He wants to help the lower and middle classes, right? So driving prices up on items that don’t discriminate against their buyers is a good way to equally influence poor and rich alike. Think about a sales tax versus a tax on luxury goods (say European imported cars) – and you know Obama subscribes to exactly what I’m about to say…anyway, both Billy Grace on St. Charles Avenue and Leroy Jenkins in the 9^th Ward have to buy a loaf of bread every week. A sales tax has an out of pocket expense that costs them both the same (4%? (federal) of every dollar spent), but it affects Leroy Jenkins much worse than Billy Grace, whereas a tax on European imported cars will affect Mr. Grace in a way that won’t affect Mr. Jenkins because Mr. Jenkins does not need a 2011 BMW to survive like he needs a bologna sandwich, but Mr. Grace does not mind absorbing that cost.

I am not suggesting heavily taxing imported cars or the upper class – there are plenty of reasons not to, but with unemployment almost at 10%, Mr. Jenkins may not have a job, and if he does he is probably living paycheck to paycheck. Whether Mr. Jenkins is lower or middle class, he just took a pay cut – as did the upper class. What about the stimulus? If it’s all about having people spend more money right now, and spend our way out of the recession, they sure did whiff on a fastball down the pipe.

As Paulie once said, there’s no way the benefit from affecting our carbon footprint comes close to outweighing the cost. Not that I’d be warm to the idea during a better economy, but this is THE worst time to do this.

Jennifer Lopez also said it right, “Lame-O.” I say, Obama, you’re fired, go sit on the bus.

The Other NFC Hotness

I was born, raised, and reside right outside of Trenton, New Jersey. The Line of Demarcation between Eagles and Giants fans runs, roughly, right through Trenton, NJ. We get both the New York and Philly network affiliates on television. Our local papers act like the Eagles are the local team one day, the Giants the next. There are Eagles bars, there are Giants bars, and there are the ones that try and be the Switzerland of bars, taking the money of both sides and maintaining neutrality without regard to the moral ramifications of doing so.*

Giants fans think of themselves as classier than Eagles fans, that they're somehow superior for throwing their allegiance behind a team that has arguably had more historical success than the Eagles. One whose fan base isn't as universally vilified and reviled by the nation. A group who try and maintain the deranged passion of an Eagles fan, but maintain an air of civility and white-collar supremacy that the hardscrabble Philly faithful could never aspire to. Well, let me break it down for you, Giants fans:

- Your QB has the composure of a 14-year-old with raging hormones thrown into Delilah's on a Friday night.
- There are three kinds of football coaches: Those with brains, those with guts, and Tom Coughlin.
- You SHARE a stadium with the JETS. You can't even afford your own house.
- Philly fans are passionate, crazed, and belligerent, even when not in the friendly confines of the Delaware Valley. Why? Because we can back it up with knowledge or fists. Iggles fans don't know what the term 'fair weather' means, because the weather is never 'fair' unless you've got the ring.
- We've beaten you five straight times. Nice little run.
- DeSean
- LeSean
- Vick

Have fun out there. Remember, it's only a game and not a gridiron metaphor for your shortcomings as people. No metaphors are necessary for that.

* The Jets and their fans do not play a role in any of this. They are awful. I don't know many, and the ones I do disappear on Sunday to some mystical place that never sees the light of day. This is a matter about which questions should not be asked and the convenient status quo maintained. Any gunner foolish enough to pursue the truth should be forewarned that their actions are way out of bounds and may find themselves tripped up and taken out.

Saints can Clinch Playoff Spot on Sunday

For immediate release from the UIB Sports Desk

NEW ORLEANS (UIB) - The New Orleans Saints can clinch a playoff spot as early as this Sunday, the Useless Information Blog reported on Tuesday morning.

UIB staffers confirmed that, because the Elis and Packers play each other in Week 16, the Saints will clinch a playoff berth on Sunday with (1) a victory, (2) a loss by Tampa Bay (versus the streaking Fightin Lions of Detroit), and (3) a loss by EITHER Green Bay or the New York Elis.

Saints fans, presumably confident in their team's ability to vanquish those lesser opponents across a 16 game schedule, will likely be tuned in to the Atlanta vs Seattle game.  A win by the Saints and a loss by the Falcons will unleash NFC South Armageddon.

There are reports Tuesday morning that it is possible that the Saints may not win on Sunday, but nobody has been able to confirm that information in the face of a six game winning streak, during which the offense has scored 30+ points in every game.

UPDATE: HOS falls apart after UIB downgrade

The UIB staff sincerely hopes that you followed the advice of last week's USTOW.  After cashing in on an 8% gain over the course of a month, you would have saved yourself the agony of watching HOS give back all of its gains and then some.  Hornbeck is down 10.5% since last week's issuance of an USTOW, which recommended unloading HOS.

At this time, we would like to reiterate: you're welcome.

Hello??????

Solid job by Congress and the President today.  I'm not sure any analyst would dispute that the broad message from the populace in November was a very clear, "Stop spending more money than we have."  So what did they just do in Washington?

They agreen on a plan to maintain taxes and increase spending.

(That sound that you heard was me banging my head against the wall.)

USTOW: The fun is over at HOS

Over the weekend, news broke that Gary Chouest is dropping his planned purchase of the New Orleans Hornets in order to focus on his marine vessel business.  Recall that, on October 28th, the UIB released an USTOW based on the following logic:

"The thesis is more about Hornbeck's competitor than themselves: Edison Chouest.  See, Chouest is owned by Gary Chouest.  And I mean OWNED.  Privately held.  He gets lots of money.  Owned.  Well, Mr. Chouest is a minority partner in the New Orleans Hornets, and is a known superfan.  He has also been in the process of purchasing the remaining share of the team from George Shinn for months now.  This process was supposed to happen during the offseason, but has dragged on into the new season, which began last night.  Clearly, these activities will be a distraction to Chouest as the new season starts, and who will profit from Chouest's ADD in the form of higher market share?  Hornbeck Offshore Services."

Clearly, this thesis is now broken.  Fortunately, HOS closed on Friday up 7.94% since the USTOW was issued (as an aside, we plan to "issue" or "release" USTOWs, like it's a fatwa or something, because it sounds cool).  In fact, that is about 115% annualized.

So, time to cash out on HOS.  Also, you're welcome.

Ourselves

I've been absent here as of late. Apologies. I was busy visiting the O'Shea origins in Sligo, Ireland. I don't care what Yeats, Joyce, or Behan may tell you, binge drinking leaves little time for writing.

In case you haven't heard, Ireland, their economy, and their government are in a spot of bother. That's putting it nicely. More appropriately stated, 'God says he can get America's economy out of this mess, but he's pretty sure, you're fu**ed.'

The situation, in a nutshell: Ireland's economy went nuts for a decade. Referred to as the 'Celtic Tiger', everyone borrowed and built like crazy bastards. Banks like Anglo Irish and Bank of Ireland loaned money in ways that would make Bank of America cringe. Then, uh, you know, that thing happened, with the poop, and the fan. Ireland's guv'mint said, 'It's ok bank investors, we guarantee the loans.' Yaaaaaay. Then they found out there was more poop hitting the fans then they could handle. The guv'mint is now running a 32% deficit and is on the line for over $100 billion in bank loans. They're been forced to accept a loan from the IMF/ECB at awful rates, almost 6%. The IMF/ECB are then...buying up guv'mint bonds at close to 9%, because they're making Ireland finance a huge chunk of it themselves and they might as well make money off them, right? Public sector cuts are going through the roof. New taxes are imposing about $7,000 in new taxes on each citizen, virtually regardless of pay. You make $35,000/yr? Enjoy that hit.

Whenever the topic of current events came up in a pub, things either got lively, or everyone was told, 'GET THAT DOOM AND GLOOM S**T OUT OF MY PUB.' (That happened. Old guy of about 70 walked out.) Everyone under 40 talks about trying to move to the U.K., Canada, Australia, the U.S. Paulie absolutely could have gotten hitched to women of questionable attractiveness for immigrative purposes, but he doesn't want to give up on the hope that your mother leaves your father just yet. When Neil Diamond came on the radio in one pub at about 11am on Friday, the depressed look on the face of a man drinking at a rate of about 1 pint/10 min was awful. 'They're commmmin to America...' No s**t, Neil. Back off.

Which brings me to the title. 'Ourselves'. That's what Sinn Fein means. Sinn Fein, for those ignorant in the politics of Ireland, is the political wing of the now disarmed Provisional IRA. The Troubles, and all that, yeah, they were shooting it out with the British Military and Paramilitary groups who had British backing. Well, guess who polled 3rd of major parties, with 16 %, in a recent tally, when the current ruling party polled 13%? Guess who won a by-election for a seat in the Dail (Irish Parliamant) 2 weeks ago, upping their represntation to the point where they can join with the opposition to conceivably bring about a no-confidence vote and take down the current guv'mint?

Sinn Fein.

Now, I'd say their policies, unification aside, are on the liberal, leftist side of things. They yearn for an egalitarian Ireland. Commendable, but laissez faire Paulie doesn't like that. Not in America. But Ireland has bungled free market so badly...it might not be such a bad thing. And Ireland loving Paulie says that a little leftist change might not be so bad for the Emerald Isle.

I'm just saying. Ireland is going to be a bit crazy for the next few years, regardless. Also, it will be cheap and teeming with women looking for a Green Card, women who can hold thier liqour and have been sexual repressed just enough by the Catholic Church to be wild in the sack when you finally break through.

That should be their tourism slogan.

Congratulations, FIFA

We're going to skip the Russia part, and congratulate you for picking Qatar as the venue for the 2022 World Cup, where it is illegal to be drunk in public. Now, I understand that technically in America and other countries, which don't really matter because they're not America, "public intoxication" is a crime, but something tells me that the Turban Tops interpret this law a little differently.

Go ahead and check out the State Department's page on Americans traveling to Qatar here, but I'm going to present a few highlights of it for you below:

"U.S. citizens are strongly encouraged to avoid labor or work camps, where unrest can occur due to local working conditions or labor grievances."

Labor and work camps? Sounds like North Korea. This oil rich land must have tons of money if they get to host the WC with labor and work camps.

"Other locations of potential concern (relative to terrorist attacks, my insertion) include any venue where U.S. citizens and other foreigners are known to congregate in large numbers such as public assemblies, sporting events, restaurants, residential areas, clubs, places of worship, schools, hotels, etc."

Did you just read that? A piece of me thinks that this should not just be targeted at Americans, but at all Westerners. Don't gather in large groups, like going to a World Cup match to see your team play.

"Local and third-country-national young men have been known to verbally and physically harass unaccompanied, expatriate women."

"Insulting someone in public is considered a punishable offense."

How about that? Insulting someone in public is a punishable offense. Also, not that you should be anywhere alone in a foreign country anyway, but to have to mention that on the State Department's website that women by themselves tend to get verbally and physically harassed says something about the state of a culture.

Drunk driving, public intoxication, and other alcohol-related offenses are treated with severity and will result in arrest, heavy fines, imprisonment, or expulsion from the country.

How many drunk-soccer-hooligan Europeans are going to end up in work camps? I think them all. Being tolerant of others and showing that you're reaching out to the other side is great, if you're not an idiot about it, but this country is run by Islamic law. That's fantastic that it's got more money than Davy Crockett, but people will die, and America still runs this bitch. Who is running FIFA?